 Hello, everyone!
Today we will be talking about breaking out of the victim mindset, ways to recognize if you have this, and solutions to break out of this mindset. Why is this an important topic? Because disappointments and setbacks are all part of the uncertainty of life. How you respond to these setbacks determines how satisfied you will be in your life and the quality of it. You can't control your circumstances, but you can control your response to them. So how do you know if you have a victim mindset? Here are five ways to recognize it:
We all tend to slip into this mindset in various areas of our lives, but we don't want to stay there. Watch out when this becomes a way of life. Here are 5 solutions to break out of it.
No one can make you feel a certain way without your permission. If you're around people that make you feel bad or are critical of you, you have to limit or eliminate your presence around them if you have the option to do so.
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 Hello, everyone!
Today, I will be talking about how to build strong and healthy romantic relationships. What do relationships that last and thrive have in common? Emotional responsiveness. Now this may sound simple and obvious, but it’s not. I believe that if everyone knew the importance of emotional responsiveness there would not be so many divorces or single individuals not being able to find a partner. Here's what lack of emotional responsiveness looks like. Your partner comes home from work, says hello to you and the kids, and asks you about your day, and then looks away when you start to speak. They are not present, probably still thinking about work, and you feel like what you had to say doesn't matter. Sound familiar? Now, here's another picture of what emotional responsiveness looks like. Your partner comes home from a long day at work, and you ask them how their day went. They say fine. When it’s your turn, you say, “I had a really tough day, did not get any work done. Had to pick up Max from school, and he threw up all over the house.” Your partner responds, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Let me cook dinner for us. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Exhausted but happy to be seen and heard, you respond, “Thanks hun” and melt into the warm embrace of your partner's arms. In this second example, your partner is happy to come home and tune in where you're at. When you express vulnerability about the challenges of your day, your partner will offer support and treat you like you are a priority. When you're really connected, your relationship improves. Emotional responsiveness contains three crucial elements:
Your level of emotional responsiveness can truly make or break your relationship. What I know is that most people did not receive a high level of emotional responsiveness in childhood and when they're looking for a partner, they have a hard time finding it. We have also learned from culture that emotional independence is the goal, and even though it is important in relationships, we need each other to strive. We are wired for companionship and connection. As a couple, you have to be responsive to each other’s needs. Emotions are fundamental in creating a healthy thriving relationship. So, if the key to a healthy thriving relationship is emotional responsiveness, then what is blocking so many of us from being emotionally responsive partners?
How do you remove these blocks?
Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hi, everyone!
Today we will talk about the topic of limiting beliefs that appear in different areas of our lives and prevent us from achieving the things that we want. It has been proven that 80% of success comes from having the right mindset, and 20% is mechanics. Anyone can learn a new skill. That’s the easiest part. The hardest part is mastering the mindset which has a significant percentage, at that 80%. Every time you say that you want something or that you want to do something but you can't because of whatever reason, that reason is your limiting belief. There are many ways to manage these limitations. One way is to simply learn a new skill that you might not already have. For example, say you do not have the career you want. The best way to overcome this obstacle is to take the right actions by practicing or gaining a new skill or skills that might be needed to get the career that you do want. In this way, you are overcoming your limitations. It is important not to get stuck here and use it as a reason or excuse for you not to move forward. Your limiting beliefs do not come from the mechanics part that I explained above. The purpose of these limiting beliefs is to keep you safe. For example, if you don’t have the career you want, thinking that you’re okay staying where you are will keep you safe from facing or feeling rejection from job search efforts. Become more loving and confident with yourself in order to overcome these limiting beliefs easier and faster. From my experience, for a long time when I needed to make the transition from my corporate job to going full time in my own business, one of the obstacles I used to tell myself was the time I would sacrifice with my kids if I focused too much on my business was too much. This kept me in a job that didn't fulfill me anymore longer than I should have. When I finally made myself aware of this obstacle, I slowly began to change it until I finally made the transition that I knew I needed to make. Another issue that arises is that you may have limiting beliefs you might not be aware of because they don’t always appear on the surface. One of the best ways to overcome these limiting beliefs is to ask yourself what you want to do in the most important areas of life, such as health, wealth, or relationships. For example, if you want to have a better job to increase the well-being of yourself and your family, ask yourself why you don't already have it. Go deeper into these questions and the answers you give yourself by asking "WHY" at least 5 times until you get to the heart of the limiting belief. Then, when you are aware of which poisonous thought is stopping you, give yourself the power to change it. I hope this blog was helpful for you on a very important topic in order to move forward and make the progress you want to make towards your goals. If you want more help unlocking the limiting beliefs you can reach out to me. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hi everyone!
Today we will be speaking about the power of kindness and how it can fulfill you on a different level and help you make a greater impact in the lives of others, leaving behind a legacy. I want you to just imagine what we could all accomplish if we came together and there was no greed or comparison. Most of us will not see this in our lifetimes, but what we all can do is start with ourselves. We all can choose to lift others up and set an example of kindness, integrity, compassion and understanding. There is a quote that you might know that says, "No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all.” Integrity is everything. It really is. Who you are is far more important than what you have--it always will be. Who you are is measured by how you make others feel. So Be kind to each other. In a world that you can really be anything, choose to be kind. In my own life, I live by this principle: do good and good comes your way. I live with this mindset, and not only has it benefited my level of happiness and satisfaction in life, but it has also spiritually fulfilled me tremendously. By doing this, I believe that I get blessed even more abundantly than if it was the other way around. So for me, it’s a no brainer to choose to be kind no matter what. Besides, we are all here temporarily and we will not take anything material with us. All that will be left of us are the memories and the impact we had on the people that we will leave behind. Choose to be the change you wish to see in the world. If something bothers you, instead of complaining, be the solution. Lead the way in showing others how to do something. Just decide that you will not wait for someone else--you will set the example. You never know how much another person is suffering inside, and you never know the difference that your words or presence can make.That’s the difference that you can make to one human life. Consider this: you can be the reason that someone believes in the goodness of humanity and makes a difference in others. There is enough negativity in the world. Believe that people are good, because at their core they really are. A lot of times when they act out negatively, it's only because they're hurting and have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. That’s all. We cannot question their core. I like to think of this as when we are first born and are a baby, we all are very innocent and that is our core. Then we get shaped by our environment and learn healthy or unhealthy ways to cope. We always must do what is right and not what might be easy in the moment. Kindness is infectious.When you do good to another, that person does good with whoever they come in contact with. In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit. Treat others with the same level of kindness that you want for yourself. I have noticed through my interactions with so many clients and people in general in my own life, that when you show up with that kind energy, everyone around you steps up with the same energy, and you shine a light at the core goodness of other people. How amazing is that? That is a superpower. We all have access to it. We just have to exercise it. I want to invite you to, Leave the world a better place than when you arrived. And that is our legacy! Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Welcome, everyone!
Today we will be speaking about manifesting what you want to attract in your life--a very interesting topic. Manifestation is a concept that people are becoming very aware of right now because science has proven that you attract the things that you want. You have probably heard of the Secret and the Law of Attraction where you can manifest what feels like a dream to you right now and make it a reality in the future. Once you speak it out to the Universe, it aligns to give you the necessary people or situations that align with what you asked to manifest it for you. Everything in the world has a vibration, human or even non human and you'll notice that when you are in a good mood or having a good day, things are just a little bit easier. That's a perfect example of the law of attraction at work. In order to attract the things that you want, you can't want it so much that you fear that you won't get it. You have to be able to put it out there (maybe on a vision board) and let it go. You just have to anticipate that vibration and be able to meet it when it shows up. When something that you wanted to manifest is coming, you will have that feeling that it will come when it's ready. So instead of worrying about it, you just feel this security that, “Oh yes it’s coming and it’s on its way.” When you get wrapped up in the details of how it is going to come, who's going to bring it etc, that delays the process. You don’t want to force it and detach from it. It's the same like ordering a package from Amazon--you know it will get to you. It may take longer but eventually it will get to you. The release of the time constraint is the key. Personally, I believe in the Law of Attraction. I have been able to manifest things in my own life that I thought were impossible. I write down what I want to happen and appreciate the things that haven't even happened yet. So you have to think it, act on it, and believe that it's already true so it can manifest and speed up to come to reality. You will also feel like those things will come to you really easily. When I was still at my corporate job, I would speak out loud that I wanted to build my own business and feel as if it was already true even though I had not even started it. And look where I am today! In many ways, I manifested what I am doing today. Just so you know, this Law works for good or bad. If you put out negative thoughts, you will attract those negative things to you. Perfect example for this is also when we worry about things that haven't even happened yet. You are unintentionally bringing about what you are worrying about to happen. If you put out negativity, you will get that right back to you. In a study, people were 44% more likely to achieve their goals when they wrote them down. So, you increase your chances just by writing things down. Lastly, the subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and what you're trying to manifest. Once you know what you want, you want to believe, feel and act as if it’s already true. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hello, everyone!
Today I am going to talk to you about what clean thinking is and also how life is 50/50 as far as our emotions are concerned. I’ll start with explaining what clean thinking is and what I mean when I use this term. So many of us spend a lot of time neglecting our minds. What I mean is that we don't usually go in there and see what thoughts we are thinking. We let our minds run wild just like a toddler running around with a knife unsupervised. That's what we are doing when we let our mind go by default. Who knows what it’s going to think, what we will create feeling-wise, and what we're going to end up doing because of the way we feel. We really need to pay attention. A metaphor I like to use is that it’s like going into a house--a very dirty house, and typically the lights are off. When you go in and turn on the lights, you go, “Wooo it’s a mess.” A lot of people get overwhelmed with all those negative thoughts that are in there. Many will want to turn that light back off and pretend like they did not see all of that. However, the people that are really committed to changing and feeling better will continue to keep that light on and start cleaning. That's what I do with thought work with my clients. I basically help them clean those negative thoughts and not let them clog up in there. We both work on cleaning them up, organizing them, and finding a place for them. Sometimes we try to eliminate the negative thoughts. The very least we can do is try to understand them. This process cleans up the mind just like you would clean up a house. From there, you will have clean thinking. When your brain is really cluttered with negative thoughts, you can't tell a positive, helpful thought from any other thought. But once you've cleaned up, it’s just like looking at a clean house. You can tell if something is in place or not. In a messy house, you can't tell what's out of place or not because it's all a mess. One of the things that happens pretty typically is that once you go through this process, people notice that after a few weeks, it's cluttered up again. They get frustrated because they believe that they’ve worked through it all and don’t understand why it's showing up again. They think that it's already been solved. Yes, but here's the thing. It's just like cleaning a house or taking a shower. You can't just clean your house and body once and think that that's it. You have to clean again and again. I prefer cleaning daily so you can keep your mind and thinking clean. It's up to you how often you do it, but the more time you spend paying attention to what you're thinking, really noticing the thoughts that you want to continue to think, writing down the ones you want to work on, the cleaner your thinking will be. One last concept that I want to discuss today is life being 50/50. What I mean by this is that half the time we will feel negative emotions such as anxiety, frustration, sadness and half the time we will be experiencing positive emotions such as hopefulness, happiness, joy etc. No matter which level you achieve in your life and how many goals you achieve, you will still feel these negative emotions. It's just part of the human experience that we are all part of. There is no exception. So, learning how to be happy where you are in the present moment is important to understand because life will not be different or happier on the other side when you have achieved those goals that you might think will make you happy all the time. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hi everyone!
Today we will be speaking about building small habits for creating the results you're after in the long run. Most of us don't manage to do everything we have to do on any given day. We only have a certain amount of time and energy, so certainly some things get left behind. Today I want to share how to establish mini habits in order to manage lots of competing goals. A few years ago I wanted to implement meditation into my life and make it a daily habit. When I first wanted to start meditation, I planned to set aside 20 minutes a day. That did not happen! I found myself making excuses and could not get myself to do it at all, and I would feel bad about it the next day. I decided to make the process as easy as possible for myself by deciding to meditate for only 2 minutes a day. It didn't matter how tired I was, I could find 2 minutes somewhere in my day so there were no excuses. This approach worked! I have realized that one of the biggest problems we all have is that we expect too much from ourselves, and as a result of these high expectations, we sometimes don't get anything done and beat ourselves up for it. For example, imagine you have decided to work out for 1 hour a day and one day something happens and you only have 40 minutes available. Most people wouldn't even go for the 40 minutes because they set up their mind for the hour. Their high expectations are preventing them from doing what they set out to do, and that's the wrong approach. This is where creating mini habits comes in. These are habits where the expectation is so low that you can do them every single day without fail. What happens when you create these small habits is that over time these habits help you get everything you want over a period of time, and also along the way you are building new habits that stick. Often by doing this you will find that the mini version of doing something expands to the bigger version. Your motivation will be higher, and you’ll eventually get addicted in a good way to the new habits. They’ll stick with you long term and you’ll create new disciplines. I am sure that you have heard of Newton’s First Law before. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. This can be said about humans as well. If you're currently procrastinating, it's very difficult to make yourself read a book for one hour. However, if you have been reading for 3 mins already, it's so much easier to continue reading. This is what mini habits do: they help us get started because they don't require too much commitment from us. Starting something is often the biggest problem we have when it comes to productivity. But once we start and get a bit of momentum, it’s much easier to keep on going. If you set an expectation to clean out an entire room, that could be daunting so you might not even want to get started. Instead, commit to something super easy like cleaning out or organizing your desk. When you do that, you will make it easier to continue since you have already started. This type of minimalistic approach will get you more results in the long run! Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hello, everyone!
Today we will be speaking about shifting your identity to match the results that you are looking to achieve. Changing or shifting your identity to become a different version of yourself is often seen as negative and is associated with being a phony or a hypocrite. A lot of our identities come from our past memories. If you remember that you were bad at playing tennis, for example, then you would say that you are a bad tennis player. Another part of our identities is the reflected identity, made of what other people have told us about events in the past. For example, people might have told you that you were a bad listener. Either positive or negative feedback from other people helped shape your identity, and you carry that in different life situations. Last and most important is our programmed identity, where people we trust have projected about us in the future and assume what or who we will become. We are all programmed to believe that we are a certain way. In my experience, I was programmed by my dad when we migrated to the US that I was going to college no matter what, and not doing so was not an option for me. Getting a college education was not only required, but also expected of me. So I never really questioned it--I went to college and got my degree. I would say in my case, it was positive programming, but a lot of times it might not be. These are usually reinforced throughout your life, and because you believe it, you may have no reason to change it. Think back in your own life--what were you programmed to believe about yourself that might be stopping you from what you know you want to do or be today? This is similar to when we label our children--what we say is actually forming their identities. For example, when we tell kids that they are smart,they grow up with this identity. On the one hand, they will grow up believing that they are smart, which is good. On the other hand, it may backfire: they might feel like they can never take risks or make changes because they will no longer be the smart one in those new circumstances. This will create a conflict in their identity until they recognize it and want to change it. Ask yourself: what is my identity now and where did it come from? Who do I need to become to achieve my goals? What would my future self say? Who do I need to become in order to reach the results I’m set out to get? A helpful tip is to watch the language that you use with yourself when you describe yourself. For example, “I am bad at being on time” is an example of a programmed identity or an identity formed out of past memory of always being late. You want to create a new identity to match the better version of yourself and every step of the way you will keep evolving into it at different phases of your life. My last point is that it’s important to have awareness that a lot of us attach our identity to our careers, status etc. When these are taken away, we have an identity crisis and have to form a whole new identity to make sense of who we are now. This is something to watch out for. Form your new identity separate from materialistic things, other people, and those who we believe that we are despite those things. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hello, everyone! We all understand what an important responsibility parenting is. Today we will be discussing how to raise children who are happy, healthy, and self confident--every parent's dream.
Raising happy and self confident kids is a much more difficult job than it seems, but it is possible. I have learned through my own experience with my kids and coaching other moms that there are certain ways that we interact with our children to ensure their success in life. First thing to do is ensure that they have rules. Children want and need rules. They need structure within which they can grow. As a parent, you want to establish communication, discipline, and obedience without coming across as a third world dictator. Whether you realize it or not, your kids want you to make their rules for them. They expect you to care, nurture, and teach them. Subconsciously kids want you to provide some guidelines so that they have some structure in their lives so there is consistency and they know what to expect. Some parents make the mistake of trying to be friends with their children or not establishing firm guidelines because they fear that their children will resent them for it. This is simply not true, and it's crucial to give them the stability and structure that they both need and want. Second thing that parents that raise happy and self confident children do is empower them to make their own decisions. When they know what the rewards and punishments are for any given situation, your kids will build self confidence by making their own decisions, and eventually they'll make the decisions that are best for them. They will be empowered to make decisions and take responsibility for their actions. They need your guidance and direction, your care and love, and you need them to listen to you and follow the rules so that you'll both be happy. Third thing is to talk to them in a certain manner. The way you talk to your children is the greatest single factor in shaping their personality. The foundation of self confidence is self esteem. Self esteem is defined as how much you like yourself or respect yourself. When children are growing up, they have no self concept. They have no idea of themselves, who they are, and so on. They take on their beliefs from infancy by the way they are treated by the most important people in their lives. If you want to have a great impact on your children, constantly feed them positive reinforcement. Constructive and negative criticism is the greatest destroyer of personality in the world. Never, ever criticize your children! Never complain about your children, either to them or other people. Always tell them how wonderful they are and always build them up. I always say that as parents, it’s easier for us to build little people than broken adults down the line. Always be understanding if they have problems in life. Remember we all did far worse things than they did while we were growing up. Lay down a good psychological foundation early on of self esteem and self worth that will lead to the self confidence they will need when they grow up. Now I understand that raising well rounded children can be tough especially in today's hectic world. The good news is that if you are a dedicated parent and provide them with the tools they need to succeed (especially the emotional tools), you will not only ensure that they'll be healthy but also that they will be equipped and more resilient in the future. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!  Hello, everyone!
This week’s topic is an important one. A lot of times when I am coaching my clients, I notice that a bit of reframing of our expectations over different circumstances always helps them get past mental blocks that they might have over making any type of change in their lives. For example, from my personal experience in being in a long term relationship with my husband, there have been many hard times of growth in the different phases of life that we have gone through together. We have been together for over 20 years now. At the beginning, I always expected to have this perfect relationship where we never argued, he always did what I asked, and we would enjoy all the same things together. I thought we would be on the same page in many areas of our lives including where we would live, how to parent our kids, and the list goes on and on. I am sure that you get the point. Of course, while this fantasy might have lasted in the first few years we were together, the more years that passed, the more our responsibilities increased, that’s where level setting expectations came to play. The lesson that I learned early on was that rather than expect everything to always be perfect, I should expect that there are going to be hard days and even periods of time in our relationship where things will be hard and we will be in different spaces. Just telling myself “This is ok” helped me and the relationship to relieve so much of that unnecessary pressure that I was putting on us and our relationship. It helped me be more at peace in my life and to accept the present moment for what it was. When our reality does not meet our expectations, we have stress. There is this place between our reality and our idealization of reality and this gap is where disappointment and frustration lies. Take a look at your life and see where that gap is. Frustration means that something is happening that is outside of your control. Good rule of thumb to remember is that if the frustration is over someone else, it’s outside your control because you cannot change them. Stop, take a step back, and ask, “What about this situation do I control?” Sometimes what you can control is your environment, especially with your parenting. For example, when I want my kids to eat healthy meals, I just don't buy them snacks so I can limit the amount of snacks they consume. Instead, they can eat the healthy meals prepared. Just step back and have faith and put your trust in a higher power. Tony Robbins says to trade expectations for appreciation, and that’s the key to your happiness. Rather than expect, just start to appreciate everything around you and the things you look at will change. During some of those difficult times with my relationship, something else that helped me shift my perspective is when I started appreciating all the things that my husband did rather than expect him to do all the things that I wanted him to do. THE JUST SHOW UP METHOD: This is a method I have created to instill a new habit in order to build on the success you are looking for in any area of your life. Step 1: Decide “What” your outcome is. “Why is it important to you?” Step 2: Take the next small logical step… then the next… then the next… then the next... Change your approach as needed… keep going…until you get momentum. Appreciate each little progress you make along the way. Step 3: Look back at all the progress you have made. This is all the evidence you need to increase your self-esteem which eventually will get you to your desired outcome. This method will help you reduce stress, guarantee results in any area of your life, and empower you to focus on the actions you can control by properly channeling your energy. I want to challenge you to share: What’s your next show up method? Finally, I wanted to discuss with you this principle from my Master Coach Brooke Castillo: 50% of life is positive where you’ll be feeling positive emotions, and 50% of life is negative and is composed of “bad days”. Even when you reach all your goals, you will have 50/50 days, so accepting this part of life is very empowering. Just accept that we will have bad days. We learn how to allow those negative feelings to pass, as they will always pass. One thing I know for sure is that consistency and habit is the only way to sustained success. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week! Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources! |