How to Have a Growth Mindset!

Introduction
My name is Elona Lopari, and I came to the United States when I was 15 from Albania. I have been married to my hubby for over 15 years now and have 2 beautiful kids.

My story began in a corporate career. For the last 10 years I have been working in different leadership and Human Resource roles until I finally broke free from the hamster wheel and started on a self development journey. This is where I felt a higher calling to help other women, whether in their professional careers, their own businesses, or developing a leader’s mindset. I have been blessed to put my passion in leadership and life coaching together by helping women live lives they are passionate about by supporting their lifestyles so they are not just surviving but striving.

My intention is to use this platform as a way of sharing my personal life journey, my professional experiences, and lessons with all of you in an attempt to inspire and support you in your journey. Whether you are just starting a business, building one, changing careers, are due for a promotion, etc., I want to help you get to the next step of your life. I am beyond thrilled to start this blog. I know it sounds a bit silly, but I could talk about mindset and leadership all day long--I just can’t get enough of it (but I admit, sometimes it drives my husband crazy).

So join me in my journey of self-exploration, personal development, and growth. I look forward to seeing you here every week.


Topic 1: Growth Mindset
Let's begin by diving into ways by which we can develop a growth mindset. Doing this can help overcome challenges a lot more easily, use the lessons learned to strengthen your experiences and confidence, and move forward with ease and focus.

1. Identify what limitations and fearful thoughts are holding you back from the success you desire.
   Everytime you take a leap for a significant change in your life and head to unknown territory, you will always be battling with your 1,000 year old survival instincts that tell you to do your job and keep yourself safe by staying in your comfort zone. This is a natural reaction to anything new such as thinking about changing careers, starting a new business, or getting to the next level in your business. Your brain will show up as that critical voice that will instill negative thoughts such as, “Who do you think you are? It’s not going to work out! It’s been done before, why even try?” etc. Know that this process is very normal and everyone goes through it when attempting to stretch and grow to the next level.
   
   The important thing to remember is to be aware of these thoughts and, rather than believing them, challenging them with thoughts that you can believe that are more empowering. For example, when I took the leap to leave my safe corporate career, I struggled with all these thoughts that kept telling me that I needed to stay comfortable and that I already knew what I was doing and shouldn’t jump start my own business because if I took that leap, it might not work out and I might fail. As humans, we fear failure because of the fear that we won’t be loved and will be rejected. We can’t survive without love--without love, we die.
   
   It was around this time when I discovered a very powerful tool from my coach Brooke Castillo Master Coach Instructor, who has built the Life Coach School called The Model. This tool taught me that our circumstances equal our thoughts which equal feelings which equal action which ultimately equals our results. I started journaling and doing what Brooke called “thought downloads,” which helped me see those negative thoughts right in front of me on paper, creeping in, needing to be looked at and inspected.
   
   By using The Model, I could see that the circumstance of leaving my secure job was making me think, “It’s scary out there” and making me feel anxious. This led to me not taking any action, which led to me keeping my safe job and being dissatisfied for a longer time. When I finally adapted The Model, my way of thinking changed from “It’s scary out there” to “I have to try and give my dream a chance. Otherwise I will never know what could be.” This thought created a feeling of empowerment and led me to making the leap: I left my corporate career.
   
   
   
2. How to leverage “failures” and turn them into lessons to reflect back on so we either “learn or succeed.”
   In my life and professional experience, I have learned that there is no such thing as failure--there are only lessons. When you go after a result that you want and you don’t get it, the intelligence lies in reflecting on the lesson that you learned, taking notes, changing your approach, and moving on to the next logical step until you get the result that you are after. In other words, just showing up.
   
   In my opinion, by collecting these life experiences and lessons and learning from them is how we get stronger, more resilient, and wiser. I believe that no life experience is ever wasted, whether it’s big or small. The ability for us humans in extracting the lesson and to keep changing our approach until we get what we want is what sets successful and resilient people apart from the average person that gets stuck at the first setback and gives up along the way.
   
   Lastly, I believe that life happens for us and not to us. Life circumstances are happening at the right moment and at the right time for each one of us, even though we might not understand at that point in time as to why. So keep going!
   
   
   
3. How to be creators of your circumstances and not let life happen to you.
   Using tools such as planning, journaling, or meditation to quiet down and get to the source of our inner wisdom in order to make those important decisions is important in helping us set our goals. Marie Forleo wrote about an exercise in her book Everything Is Figureoutable called “Intuition vs. Fear.” It talks about getting into a comfortable position, closing your eyes, and taking a few deep breaths. Being present in your body and asking yourself the following question and pay attention to the answer: “Does saying yes to this make me feel expansive or contracted?” Listen to your heart, not your head. In the next nanosecond you’ll have your answer. That is your soul and your higher inner wisdom speaking to you, and it’s important to listen because it always knows what your next step should be. It’s like your inner compass that will always steer you in the right direction.
   
   
   
4. Learning how to master our emotions is a key lesson if we want to succeed.
   One last secret I want to share with you  is that when you actually allow yourself to fully experience a feeling, it doesn’t last very long. When you resist it, it lasts forever.
   
   If you are anything like me, you’ve spent a lot of time avoiding and resisting negative feelings.The biggest reason for this is because it was uncomfortable to feel anxious or fearful at times, so I tried to resist these feelings. But what I resisted only persisted. I had to learn a better solution to end my suffering that I was causing for myself. I started realizing that we get access to being able to change our feelings by naming them, paying attention to them, looking at them within our bodies. Not reacting to them--but naming them.
   
   Feelings are nothing to be afraid of. We don’t need to resist, react, or avoid them, but no one taught us this. No one taught us how to actually feel our feelings. We realize that feelings are not that big of a deal when we feel them all the way through. Be a witness to them, as the watcher that goes by. When we don’t validate our feelings, we suppress them and they show up in various negative addictions later on. Remember, if the only thing you’re ever afraid of is a feeling, and you learn how to feel any emotion and not be afraid of it, doors will open in your life.

These are some of the key takeaways from our first blog:

1. How to identify limiting thoughts and learn to monitor them.
2. There is no such thing as failure: it’s either lessons or wins.
3. Discussion on The Model and how to use this concept as a practice in our daily lives.
4. Using different tools to get clarity towards your goals will help your intentionally set goals you love.
5. Learning how to master our emotions is the key to success and living life on your terms towards your fullest potential.

That’s it for the first blog. Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week!

For more, I have a FREE “Guide to top 10 mental blocks for entrepreneurs” when you visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can take these concepts further so they can help you right away.